Hopefully Move Forward

The last year has been lovely.  God has shed His grace upon me.  Through His grace, He has empowered me to do His will.  I feel that I have done what He sent me here to do.  And so it seems that the time has come to move on from here.  

And so on January 1 I will move back to the hermitage.  I feel God is calling me back there. 

I imagine you are wondering how this conclusion intersects with my previous discernment to leave the hermitage.  

Although I did not explicitly say so, when I left the hermitage to serve poor persons, I was overwhelmingly focused on rejoining the Peace Corps.  I re-applied to the Peace Corps near the end of 2015, and in early 2016, Peace Corps informed me that they could not offer me a position.  

I applied or at least inquired with other organizations serving impoverished people abroad.  Either I didn't hear back at all, or at other times it didn't work out with those other organizations.  
Thus in time I came to realize that one reason I left the hermitage, to serve poor persons overseas, was not materializing.  I let it go, and so the path I thought I was following turned out to be taking me not as far away as I had envisioned.  

Since it started becoming clear I wouldn't be moving to another country again, I began to ponder serving poor folks here in the states.  Having been a Catholic Worker in San Jose before I moved into the hermitage,  I began to think about once again being a Catholic Worker.  

After a brief stint last summer filling in for my friends at Casa de Clara, the San Jose Catholic Worker House, I moved in here at the Redwood City Catholic Worker House.  After not too long, I began to get to know homeless folks here in Redwood City.  I came to witness the sense of community amongst those living on the streets here.  I became much closer with them than I had ever felt with homeless folks anywhere else.  And so I have felt much fulfillment as I have served people living on the streets here.  

And yet I have gradually, steadily, increasingly felt more and more spiritually malnourished despite how I have continued the spiritual practices I deepened at the hermitage.  I read Scripture.  I attend Mass.  Yet I have consistently felt that God has been calling me back into more solitude, more silence, more stillness, more contemplation.  I have felt that God has been calling me back into the deep prayer which monastic life fosters, and then will flow whatever service to poor folks naturally, organically arises out of monastic life.  

I feel too that God has given me the grace to make vows to Him.  I know that I can make vows of poverty, chastity and obedience to Him.  If I were not to do so, I would be wasting graces God has given to me.  If you know me well, you know well that I cannot stand wasting what God has given to us.  God has given us marvelous gifts: we should not only appreciate and use well His gifts, but thank and praise and adore and glorify God who gives us such magnificent gifts.  Out of gratitude to Him, I do not wish to be the servant who buries in the ground a coin or coins he has received from his Master.*  I do not wish to be the servant who wraps up in a cloth the coin He has received from His Master.**  

I used to think that God had not empowered me to make a vow of chastity.  Perhaps I was correct.  What I do know is that at times I have prayed to God for grace, and He has given it to me.  I have recalled how Our Blessed Mother Mary told Saint Catherine of Laboure that so many people do not receive certain graces because they do not ask for them.  I have seen for myself how it is true that you can receive a grace you have not had if you but ask for it.  

And so I will be moving on with a desire to use well what God has given to me.  I wish to invest well the talents God has given me, so that I may make more,*** just as Jesus teaches us to do.  

I look forward to trying to use well the gifts God has given to me.  I face forward into the future, though parting under these circumstances is bittersweet, and not just for me.  

I think of the homeless woman who once again I'll call "Kimberly."  She has shared her pain with me, and so she and I have come to appreciate each other.  Despite her sorrow, she has expressed to me that she wants to understand my reasons for leaving, and the goals I hope to reach, so that she can better support me in my decision to leave here.  

I think too of the homeless woman who again I'll call "Anna."  As she has been considering my moving away, in the context of how she has been well aware that she must repent and do her best to sin no more, she has confidently proclaimed that at the very least, she will see me again in eternity.  

I am greatly consoled by these mature words of faith, hope and love.  I am encouraged by the spiritual growth these words of sureness convey.  I am comforted as I adjust to leaving here, knowing that such faith resides amongst those who are homeless here.  

Thus I know that I am not deluding myself when I say that I have seen homeless persons rising up here.  I can move on since I have seen real growth and progress among them.  

I am reminded that recently a certain homeless woman who I'll once again call "Jane" showed up here at the Catholic Worker House.  She had rung the doorbell, and in speaking with a Catholic Worker here, she expressed gratitude, saying, "Thank you for helping me to rise up."  Jane too has been rising up from where she had been, to a better place, proven by the gratitude she has expressed.  

I have also seen with my own eyes how a certain woman, who I'll call "Helen," has also moved forward in her life.  Helen used to be homeless.  Now she lives in her own apartment, which I have seen.  I need not doubt her progress, which is evident.  

I hear and see all this proof of rising up with my own ears and with my own eyes.  As my time here draws to a close, I am encouraged by what I hear and see.  

And so, as night has fallen today, so too the twilight of my time here as a Catholic Worker is also upon me.  Yet as this night is upon us, I am not in despair, for a new dawn is rising up in homeless friends I have made here.  This dawn I have been seeing break open in them gives me hope, a hope which stretches beyond them, into the wide community of humanity.  This hope extends beyond this lifetime, into the limitless expanse of eternity.  The fruits of this faith, hope and love will be seen in eternity.  In eternity, we will see the consequences of our faith, hope and love.  

Let us move forward in faith, hope and love now, so that we may live in love for all eternity.  Amen.  

* Matthew 25:18,25 
** Luke 19:20 
*** Matthew 25:20,23 

Humbly Request Prayers

The doorbell just rang.  When I opened the door, there stood a certain homeless man I'll once again call "Manuel."  He softly and gingerly inquired whether he was disturbing me.  I smiled as I assured him that he came at the right time, trying to welcome him.  He humbly asked me to pray for him.  

If people ask us to pray for them, they show they are humble.  It takes humility to request someone's prayers.  

In seeking someone else's prayers, we admit that we cannot navigate life's difficulties on our own.  When we would like another person to pray for us, we indicate that we realize that we need help in petitioning God.  

When we turn to God, we demonstrate humility.  If we are humble, we give God what is due to Him as we recognize our true relationship with Him.  Realizing that we are nothing without Him, and that we can do nothing without Him,* we are humbled before Him.  Seeing that God has given us all we have, with much gratitude, we thank Him.  Once we have humility, we become who God created us to be, and so we come to praise, glorify and adore Him.  Amen.  

* John 15:5 

Recognize Afflicting Blessings

If we are wise, we can recognize the blessings in our afflictions.  If we truly are grateful to God, we thank Him for the adversity we face as well as the comfort we receive.  As we embrace those who are different from us, we are positioning ourselves to learn from them.  If we have faith in God, we welcome all God sends us.  If we have faith, we are saved.  

We are reminded of these truths in today's Gospel reading for Thanksgiving Day.  There we hear that 

As Jesus continued his journey to Jerusalem,
he traveled through Samaria and Galilee.
As he was entering a village, ten persons with leprosy met him.
They stood at a distance from him and raised their voices, saying,
"Jesus, Master! Have pity on us!"
And when he saw them, he said,
"Go show yourselves to the priests."
As they were going they were cleansed. 
And one of them, realizing he had been healed,
returned, glorifying God in a loud voice;
and he fell at the feet of Jesus and thanked him. 
He was a Samaritan.
Jesus said in reply,
"Ten were cleansed, were they not?
Where are the other nine? 
Has none but this foreigner returned to give thanks to God?" 
Then he said to him, "Stand up and go;
your faith has saved you."*  

These lepers may have anticipated that the apparent misfortune of their leprosy would provide the vehicle through which God would be glorified in them.  In their anguish, they cried out to Jesus to have pity on them.  Jesus, full of compassion and love for others, cured them.  The returning man recognized that God had had mercy on him, so he went back to Jesus, giving the glory and praise and honor due to God.  When we are suffering from what would usually be viewed as a malady, we can thank God for the apparently ill fortune which has befallen us, if we consider that our dilemma provides an avenue through which God can be glorified.  In our pain, we can capitalize on the excellent opportunity to earnestly call out to God to deliver us from what afflicts us.  God likes to hear us offer up ardent prayers to Him.  God hears and responds to fervent prayers.  Then when God saves us from what torments us, all the glory is due to God.  We can thank God not only for being delivered from agony, but also, realizing that trials supply opportunities for God to be glorified, we can also thank God for tribulations.  

At times we are well instructed in thanking and praising and glorifying God by those who are different from us.  The one leper who returned to thank God was a Samaritan.  Normally Jews did not associate with Samaritans.**  The foreigner demonstrated well the need to give thanks to God.  If we dismiss those who are unlike us, we run the risk of refusing to learn from them.  People dissimilar to us may have much important to teach us.  

The Samaritan, the excluded one, was saved by his faith.  Although he was a social outcast, he had the gift of faith from God.  Through that faith, he was saved.  

When we have faith, we welcome the apparent misfortune God sends us as well as the comfort He gives to us.  Having faith, and being cured, we thank God not only for the relief but also for the affliction.  With faith, we welcome into our hearts people who are not like us, aware that they can teach us since we are open to what they have to say.  Being so receptive through our faith, we are saved.  Amen.  

*  Luke 17:11-19
** John 4:9 

Accept The Invitation

Suffering is an invitation to prayer.  When God allows us to suffer, God invites us to pray.  

If we are agonized, we are poised to present our petitions earnestly to God.  In anguish, we pray with deep feeling, and thus effectively, when we beg God to help us.  

O God, come to my assistance.  O Lord, make haste to help me.*  
When we are tormented, we pray fervently to God.  How we pray matters.  

We also show what we most value in what we request from God.  In the midst of excruciating discomfort, we can do more than merely implore God to stop the pain.  We can choose to ask God to give us the grace and the strength to bear the trials we are undergoing.  

In beseeching God to grant us the grace and the strength to endure our tribulations, we are asking God that he let us be vehicles for Him to be glorified.  When we seek from Him the composure we need to bear our suffering, we wish it to be that we weather our storms only by His grace.  Then all glory and honor and praise is due to God, as it always has been, as it is, and as it ever shall be, to God, to ever has been, is, and ever shall be.  Amen.  

* Psalm 40:14; Psalm 70:2 

Be His Will

Today as we celebrate All Saints' Day, when we honor all saints, those both known as well as those unknown, we can be encouraged if we keep in mind how Pope Francis has reminded us that we are all called to be saints.  This might seem like such a lofty calling that it is beyond our grasp.  Perhaps we obscure what we try to see through our own tendency to short-sightedness.  Maybe we fall into the trap of feeling like we can't do something because we rely too much on ourselves.  When we refuse to depend on God, we are telling God that we do not want Him to perform miracles through us.  

God can work miracles through us if we but give our consent.  If we simply submit and give our assent to the Word of God like Our Blessed Mother Mary did, if we merely respond to God that it be done unto us according to His Word,* then we welcome Jesus into our hearts, and show God that we wish that the Holy Spirit dwell in us.  

Until we offer this complete obedience to God, we are cutting ourselves off from how the Holy Spirit can radically transform us.  We can't do much without God, but God can do much through us.  What is impossible for humans is possible for God,** for nothing is impossible for God.***  

If we open our hearts to God, God can work wonders through us.  If we allow ourselves to be humbled, God will give us the grace**** and the strength we need to do His will.  God will exalt those who humble themselves.*****  

In deciding whether or not we would like to be humble, we determine who we will become.  We spend our time well when we ask ourselves who we would like to become.  Having pondered who we wish to become, we then do well to request what we need to evolve into who God has always intended us to be.  

If we pray to God that He give us what we need to do His will, He will give it to us.  Those who ask will receive.  Those who seek will find.  Those who knock will have the door opened to them.******  

God answers the prayers of those who seek to serve Him.  God gives people what they request when they seek to be who He made them to be.  

As I recently suggested to someone, God made us to pray to Him, to praise Him, to adore Him, to glorify Him, and to honor Him.  When we do so with all our heart, with all our mind, with all our soul, and with all our strength,******* and when we love our neighbor as ourselves,******** then we become who God made us to be.  When the will of God is what we will, then we are saints.  When we live the will of God, we become who God has always meant us to be.  Amen.  

* Luke 1:38 
** Matthew 19:26; Mark 10:27; Luke 18:27 
*** Genesis 18:14; Luke 1:37 
**** 1 Peter 5:5; James 4:6 
***** Matthew 23:12; Luke 14:11; Luke 18:14 
****** Matthew 7:7-8 
******* Deuteronomy 6:5; Deuteronomy 10:12; Matthew 22:37; Mark 12:30; Luke 10:27 
******** Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Leviticus 19:18; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14 

Listen To Echoes

The truth of who we are echoes over our lives.  The persistent emergence of our identity resounds in our souls, a message which, in its recurrence, repeatedly encourages us to stay true to who God faithfully calls us to be, and to evermore become.  

During my present stay here at the hermitage, I have been witnessing how my life continues to unfold consistently in ways which reinforce how God calls me to be who He has always meant me to be.  In the midst of this stay here, I hear my life echoing who I am.  

These few days of retreat seem like they can be taken as a tiny version of the year and a half I lived here.  In the ebb and flow of my emotions now, and in the present stirrings in my soul, and in the current movements of the Holy Spirit within me, I am reminded of similar interior shifts when I resided here.  

Much like when I moved in a few years ago to live here, similarly a couple of nights ago I was filled with joy and excitement at the prospect of basking in the stillness and silence and solitude here, so conducive to prayer and meditation.  Upon both arrivals, I deeply breathed in this contemplative atmosphere.  

Both three years ago and two days ago, I calmed down soon after arriving.  I began to take stock of who I am, namely someone with monastic tendencies, yet also with great love of those who are poor.  Then I came to see myself, and now I view myself, as a servant of those who are impoverished, and as having an inner monk I am to nourish through spiritual disciplines I can follow even in the midst of whatever activity occupies me.  

I practiced such attention to the promptings of the Holy Spirit amidst busy days while I still lived here.  After I had lived here for about half a year, I started driving monks who couldn't drive, usually to their doctor appointments.  Today, about halfway through this visit, I drove to Carmel and picked up a monk; he was on his way back from monastic business with other Camaldolese monks in Italy.  After meeting him in Carmel, I brought him back here to the hermitage.  

As I progressed in my residence here, I concluded that it didn't seem that God was calling me to become a monk here, but that God had been calling me to be here so I could deepen my prayer life.  Similarly, while I have been deeply nourished during the last couple of days here, it seems clear to me that I am to ponder in my heart, as our Blessed Mother Mary did.*  I feel I am to retain and treasure what has so nurtured me and allow it to guide me and to empower me and to light my path** as I strive to serve my neighbors, many of whom are poor.  As the Trappist monk Thomas Merton noted, we are to bring the contemplative treasures we have been given and share those spiritual fruits out in the world.  We are to share with others the great love which God has bestowed upon us.  

To properly serve, we must show great love.  If we empty ourselves, God can fill us with His love.  Nourished by the presence of Jesus, especially felt in stillness and silence and solitude, we can help others to feel the presence of Jesus.  If we remain in Jesus, and Jesus in us,*** we can bear much fruit in His name; conversely, without Him, we can do nothing.****  If we are filled with the love of God,***** we can recognize Jesus in those who are the least among us,****** and we can welcome Jesus into our hearts.  

When we welcome Jesus into our hearts, we hear and welcome The Word which God has been speaking in eternity.  The Word, the love of God, has been echoing for all eternity.  We hear this echo calling to us in the depths of our souls.  When we hear, and listen to, and respond with open hearts to this repeating invitation, we become who God has always intended us to be.  

* Luke 2:19 
** Psalm 119:105 
*** John 15:4,5,6,7,9,10 
**** John 15:5 
***** Romans 5:5 
****** Matthew 25:40,45 

Lovingly Welcome Martyrdom

This afternoon I arrived back here at the hermitage for my first visit since I stopped living here at the beginning of last summer.  Being here again, I am reminded of why I entered formation here on the path to becoming a monk: the silence and solitude so conducive to prayer and meditation; the liturgical schedule which includes communal prayer three times a day, in addition to daily Mass; and the warm, welcoming hospitality of these gracious monks.  

Yet I recollect that while I felt that God called me to live at this hermitage for a time so I could learn to deepen my prayer life, I feel that it has been clear to me for quite some time now that God has not given me the grace to be a monk.  A while ago I also concluded that I have an inner monk, who I am to nurture consciously, deliberately and mindfully, through the spiritual disciplines of prayer, worship, celebration of God's blessings, silence, solitude, simplicity and service, among other spiritual practices.  

God has given me the wisdom to realize that these spiritual disciplines help me to turn my attention toward Him, to focus on Him, and to hear Him and to listen to Him.  God gives us what we need to do His will.  We might get caught up in craving something that we would like to do to try to serve Him, but while we have our own hopes of how to serve God, in insisting upon them, we might be clinging to ideas which are our own, and are not according to the plan God has in mind for us.  

Today at Mass here, in his sermon Father Cyprian recalled how both Saint Francis and Saint Romuald longed to die as martyrs for the sake of the Kingdom of God.  Yet, Father Cyprian explained to us, God had not given Saint Francis and Saint Romuald the grace to be martyrs.  Father Cyprian went on to note that dying as a martyr is not something we can reach out and grasp; we must be given the grace to die as a martyr.  God gives us the grace we need to do His will.  

However, Father Cyprian gave us hope as he continued his homily.  He instructed us that God calls all of us to be martyrs for love.  We are to die to our own desires, so that, having emptied ourselves, God can fill us with His grace so that, filled with His love,* we can serve as the conduits through which God sends His love to our neighbors, so that they may receive what they need.  

I was reminded of these truths this morning when I received a message from someone I'll call "Paul."  God has blessed both Paul and me with the same certain person in our lives, who I'll call "Lauren."  Lauren is homeless and she also suffers from a drug addiction.  Paul and I have discussed much how we might be able to help Lauren, who keeps making decisions which threaten her spiritual, psychological and physical health.  While we can see Lauren as disappointing us, and based on that dissatisfaction, we could choose to isolate her and shun her, if we were to do so, we would be deciding to allow our emotions to control us.  Or we can choose to let our irritation with her not dominate us, but instead die to our natural inclinations, instead letting love rule us.  

When we forgive, we die to our selfish instincts to cling to our pain of how we feel we have been hurt.  As we forgive, we selflessly love the other person.  When we forgive, we also love ourselves, since we free ourselves from the prison in which we had been enclosing ourselves: when we forgive our neighbor, we let go of the pain which had been enslaving us, through the torment we had been deciding to impose on both our neighbor and on ourselves by previously refusing to forgive our neighbor.  

When we allow ourselves to be humbled, then God gives us the grace** we need to forgive our neighbor.  If we forgive our neighbor, we treat our neighbor as we would like to be treated, since we too would like to be forgiven.  When we forgive our neighbor, we love our neighbor as ourselves*** as Jesus taught us to do.  When we die to our own pain, we become martyrs for love.  Having let go of our pain, God can fill us with His grace, so that, filled with His love, we can give others the love they need.  In loving through the free gift of the grace of God,**** we glorify God.  In dying to ourselves, and in forgiving our neighbor, and thus loving our neighbor, we become who God has always meant us to be.  Amen.  

* Romans 5:5 
** James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5 
*** Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Leviticus 19:18; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14  
**** Ephesians 2:8 

Hear And Keep

Those who hear God's Word and who do it are blessed.  Persons who accept what they are called to do in each and every moment are blessed.  We are reminded of these truths in today's Gospel, where we hear that 

It happened that as Jesus was speaking, a woman in the crowd raised her voice and said, "Blessed the womb that bore You and the breasts that fed You!"  But He replied, "More blessed still are those who hear The Word of God and keep it!"*  

As Saint Augustine has noted, Our Blessed Mother Mary is blessed moreso because she heard The Word of God and kept it, rather than just because she carried Jesus in Her womb.  Our Blessed Mother Mary assented to the will of God that she would conceive through the power of the Holy Spirit, and bear the Son whom she would name Jesus.  In response to the angel Gabriel informing her that this would come to pass, she declared to the angel Gabriel, "Let it happen to me as you have said."**  Our Blessed Mother Mary heard The Word she was to bear, and welcomed Him into her womb, and, more deeply, into her heart.  She was so blessed because she heard the will of God and acquiesced to it.  

In how she lived her life while she walked on this earth, Our Blessed Mother Mary gave us a hint of the message she would come back to give in her apparitions to Saint Jacinta, Saint Francisco, and Servant of God Lucia.  When she appeared to these peasant children in Fatima, Portugal in 1917, she told them that we are called to pray much and make sacrifices, since many souls go to Hell since they have no one to pray for them.  Later Jesus told Lucia that the sacrifices demanded of each of us are the performance of the duties of our state in life.  

In our lives, we are constantly called to do our duties.  As the author of "The Cloud Of Unknowing" notes, we will be called to account for every fraction of time that has been given to us.  We are always being called to attend to the duty of the present moment, as the Jesuit priest Jean-Pierre de Caussade described.  In every little moment, we can make little sacrifices of love of our neighbor, as Saint Therese of Lisieux demonstrated.  

In each little instant of time, the duty of the present moment calls us to perform little acts of love for our neighbor.  Where each one of us happens to be, there we are called to love our neighbor as ourselves, just as Jesus taught us to do.***  Wherever each of us finds ourselves, there we are to love others and thus do the will of God, just as the situation calls us to do.  

For Our Blessed Mother Mary, in the moment when the angel Gabriel announced to her that she would bear the Son whom she would name Jesus, her duty was to give her consent to bear the Son of God in her womb.  In accepting the duty presented to her, she accepted the Son of God not only into her womb, but also into her heart.  She heard The Word proclaimed to her, that she would bear Jesus, and she accepted This Word and carried The Word out.  She was so blessed since she heard The Word of God and submitted to it.  

Those who obey the will of God are blessed.  People who hear The Word of God, and who do what The Word calls them to do, are blessed.  If you wish to be blessed, do what the state of your life calls you to do.  Amen.  

* Luke 11:27-28 
** Luke 1:31-38 
*** Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Leviticus 19:18; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14 

Seek Her Intercession

October 13, 1917.  The town of Fatima.  Portugal.  The night before, it had rained torrentially; on October 13, the people there and the ground there were thoroughly soaked.  Seventy thousand people gathered in Fatima on October 13, 1917; they had heard that three little children had seen apparitions of a Lady there that year.  The Lady had promised that a miracle would take place when she appeared there on October 13.  

There, in Fatima, exactly one hundred years ago on this date, before 70,000 people, the sun danced back and forth in the sky, defying cosmic laws.  It fell toward the earth.  When the sun returned to its usual location and remained in its place, all the people there were completely dry, even though just a short time earlier, they had been drenched.  The ground too was dry, even though it had just been saturated.  

On October 13, the Lady identified herself as the Lady of the Rosary.  The three little children were Servant of God Lucia, Saint Jacinta and Saint Francisco.  

In her apparitions to them at Fatima, Our Blessed Mother Mary told them to pray the rosary everyday for world peace and for an end to the first world war.  She explained to them that Jesus wished to establish devotion to her Immaculate Heart.  

As we show devotion to the Immaculate Heart of Our Blessed Mother Mary, we welcome Jesus into our hearts, and thus are returning home to Our Heavenly Father.  When we pray seeking the intercession of Our Blessed Mother Mary, we are asking her to assist us in returning home to God.  She supports us in doing as Jesus told us to do because she loves her Son, because she loves God.  

Our Blessed Mother Mary, who is so kind and sweet and loving, who cares for us so tenderly, helps us to welcome Jesus into our hearts.  Just as she told the servants at the wedding feast in Cana, so she tells us about Jesus, "Do whatever He tells you."*  

If we beg Our Blessed Mother Mary to intercede with her Son Jesus for us, we request what we need to be able to do what Jesus commands us to do.  When we ask Our Blessed Mother Mary to intercede with her Son Jesus for us, we ask her to beseech Him that we may have all we need to do God's will.  Through her Spouse, The Holy Spirit, we are empowered to do the will of God.  Through her assistance, we are given the grace we need to do the will of Our Heavenly Father.  

Let us pour out our hearts to Our Blessed Mother Mary.  Let us implore her to come to our aid.  She loves us so tenderly and sweetly--indeed her will is love, since her will is the will of God, and we know that God is love**--that she will surely love us with great love.  

Knowing that Our Blessed Mother Mary loves us so much, we come to realize that we are tremendously aided in coming home to God, who is love, when we seek her intercession.  If we wish to return home to God, we have a powerful intercessor in Our Blessed Mother Mary to help us draw back to God.  Let us entrust ourselves to the loving care of Our Blessed Mother Mary, consecrate ourselves to her, and, greatly supported by her, thus return home to God.  Amen.  

* John 2:5 
** 1 John 4:8,16 

Pray For Desire

Today at Mass, during his sermon the priest related a memory from when he was in the seminary.  A professor was teaching about prayer.  

A student asked, "What if I don't feel like praying?"  

The professor replied, "Then pray for the desire to pray."  

Joyfully Thank Always

This morning a friend of ours came here to the Catholic Worker House.  Here I'll call him "Stan." Stan is homeless and suffers from various ailments.  He moves very slowly; it seems like one might be overstating his degree of mobility if one were to say that he hobbles along.  On his legs and his fingers, his skin has become scaly and is peeling off in large flakes.  This morning, it was clear that his sores had broken open and were bleeding.  

Despite his misfortune, at one point this morning, Stan proclaimed, "The Lord is good."  Stan could lament his medical condition, but instead he chooses to give glory to God.  In the midst of his discomfort, Stan praises and adores and glorifies God for His great goodness.  

Amidst suffering, just as during times of ease and comfort, we are to give thanks to God.  Knowing that God is good, we are to be joyful always, pray constantly, and for all things give thanks.*  

I am reminded and am told that we must do so by the suffering homeless man who shows up at my doorstep.  Jesus, in the impoverished individuals** in front of us, comes to us to continue to teach us how to love God with all our heart, with all our mind, with all our soul, and with all our strength.***  

As we open our hearts to the poor persons who are before us, we open our hearts to God.  When we truly see the impoverished man in front of us, we recognize Jesus here with us.****  As we welcome the homeless person here with us into our hearts, we welcome Jesus into our hearts.  

As we welcome God into our hearts, we see that God is infinitely good.  When we realize that the Lord is good, we give thanks always.  We never stop expressing gratitude to God once we see that God infinitely loves us.  

When we recognize that God is love,***** we welcome the truth that God loves us always.  Aware that God loves us infinitely, we rejoice at all times.  Ever joyful, we give thanks for all things.  Amen.  

* 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 
** Matthew 25:40,45 
*** Deuteronomy 6:5; Deuteronomy 10:12; Matthew 22:37; Mark 12:30; Luke 10:27 
**** Matthew 28:20 
***** 1 John 4:8,16 

Blessed With Faith

To have faith is to be blessed.  You are blessed when you have the gift of faith from God, for you are not relying on yourself.  With faith, you become more than yourself.  If you are moved by faith, you trust in God.  As faith lives in you, God breathes in you and speaks through you.  If you have faith, although God has already tremendously blessed you, God gives still more by using your faith to reshape the world.  

Today as we celebrate the Solemnity of the Assumption of The Blessed Virgin Mary into Heaven, we are reminded how God rewards those with faith.  In today's Gospel reading, we hear of such faith and how those with faith are so blessed.  There we hear that 

Mary set out
and traveled to the hill country in haste
to a town of Judah,
where she entered the house of Zechariah
and greeted Elizabeth.
When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting,
the infant leaped in her womb,
and Elizabeth, filled with the Holy Spirit,
cried out in a loud voice and said,
"Blessed are you among women,
and blessed is the fruit of your womb.
And how does this happen to me,
that the mother of my Lord should come to me?
For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears,
the infant in my womb leaped for joy.
Blessed are you who believed
that what was spoken to you by the Lord
would be fulfilled."

And Mary said:

"My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior
for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed:
the Almighty has done great things for me
and holy is his Name.
He has mercy on those who fear him
in every generation.
He has shown the strength of his arm,
and has scattered the proud in their conceit.
He has cast down the mighty from their thrones,
and has lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has come to the help of his servant Israel
for he has remembered his promise of mercy,
the promise he made to our fathers,
to Abraham and his children forever."

Mary remained with her about three months
and then returned to her home.*  

Saint Elizabeth said to Our Blessed Mother Mary, "Blessed are you who believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled."  Our Blessed Mother Mary believed what the angel Gabriel had told her, that through the power of the Holy Spirit she would conceive and bear The Son who would save His people from their sins.**  She had faith that the promise made to her would be fulfilled.  Our Blessed Mother Mary is so blessed because God gave her a gift of great faith.  

And so Saint Elizabeth said to Our Blessed Mother Mary, "Blessed are you among women."  And so Catholics praying the rosary proclaim to Our Blessed Mother, "Blessed are you among women."  

Catholics pray the rosary because Our Blessed Mother is such an effective intercessor.  We have such an effective advocate in Our Blessed Mother because she prays for us with great faith.  Faith is power.  Through faith, we are empowered to do the will of God.  With faith, we can confidently pray, believing that our petitions according to the will of God will be granted.  Our Blessed Mother desired the will of God, so filled with faith she was.  Our Blessed Mother comes so efficiently to our aid, interceding with her Son Jesus because of her abounding faith.  

We can be considerably comforted to remember the power of faith.  When events in the world appear to go awry, and when circumstances in our personal lives seem amiss, through our faith we can call upon great power in our prayer when we might mistakenly believe we are lost.  When Our Blessed Mother Mary appeared to Saint Francisco, Saint Jacinta and Servant of God Lucia at Fatima in Portugal in 1917, she told them to pray the rosary for world peace.  We can achieve peace through prayer.  Faith brings peace in hearts by leading to dependence on God.  Through the power of faith, prayer can bring peace in the world.  

If we recognize that God has given us a gift by giving us faith, it follows that we are to accept this gift and use it well.  In gratitude to God, we can offer this faith to Him through our prayer.  In response to our prayer, God transforms the world.  When we accept the invitation from God to let Him transform the world through us, we are blessed that He uses us as vessels of change.  Like Our Blessed Mother Mary, if we welcome the gift of faith that God seeks to give us, we too can be instruments of the change God seeks to work in the world.  Let us welcome the gift of faith from God, and so allow the world to be transformed.  Amen.  

* Luke 1:39-56 
** Luke 1:31-35

Presently Prayerfully Loving

Today is the anniversary of the bombing of Nagasaki.  Today we also celebrate the feast day of Edith Stein, a nun martyred in Auschwitz.  One could think that these commemorations have nothing to do with how today I sat and talked with a recent college graduate.  Yet in all of these opportunities rests the duty of the present moment.  In every moment we are called by God.   
As we remember how a plutonium bomb was dropped on the Japanese city of Nagasaki exactly 72 years ago on August 9, 1945, killing tens of thousands of people, some of us might wonder what we can do to avert war.  I am convinced that in seeking world peace, the most effective step we can take is to pray.  I also strongly believe that we can take efficacious measures for world peace by praying the rosary.  One hundred years ago, at Fatima in Portugal, our Blessed Mother Mary instructed us to pray the rosary for world peace.  Had more people ardently implored our Blessed Mother Mary to intercede with her Son Jesus, the second world war would not have happened.  We fulfill the duty of the present moment when we pray.  

We also carry out the duty of the present moment, as was described in the eighteenth century by the Jesuit priest Jean-Pierre de Caussade, when we seek to do God's will.  Saint Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, previously known as Edith Stein, was raised Jewish.  However, after voraciously reading the autobiography of Saint Teresa of Avila late into the night, she not only became Catholic, but eventually also became a Carmelite nun.  Due to her Jewish heritage, the Nazis arrested her and sent her to Auschwitz, where she died in a gas chamber, probably exactly 75 years ago, on August 9, 1942.  She said that we surely may pray to be spared, but that certainly we should add the additional prayer to God, "Not my will be done, but Thy will be done."*  We find God's will in the present moment, so when we submit to the present moment and what it demands of us, we obey God's will.  Wherever we are in the present, there may God's will be done.  Where we find ourselves, there we pray.  

Today I found myself sitting at the kitchen table here in the Catholic Worker House with a young woman who I heard speak at Mass this past weekend.  At the end of Mass she got up and spoke briefly about how she is devoting her efforts to helping other young people who have fallen away from their faith.  She indicated she would be happy to speak with anyone who would like to hear more about her work.  After Mass, I asked her to contact me.  We arranged for her to come here to the Catholic Worker House.  

In relating to me how she aims to get to know the persons she seeks to help, I felt indirectly guided in what she said.  It seemed to me that the Holy Spirit was speaking through her.  It occurred to me that perhaps Jesus was telling me that I must get to know the homeless people and other impoverished persons I aspire to serve as a Catholic Worker.  I believe that in hearing her story, I was being told how I am to live my life, how I am to love my neighbor as myself.**  I would want someone to care enough about me to get to know me, so as to understand me; thus I should get to know others so I can better understand them.  In better understanding others, I can more easily be compassionate towards them, and thus love them as I love myself.  When I find myself in the present moment, I am to listen as best I can to my neighbor.  In giving my neighbor my full attention, and learning about her, I love my neighbor, and thus I fulfill my duty to the present moment.  

We embrace the present moment when we love our neighbor.  We carry out the duty of the present when we pray.  We open our hearts to the present when we do the will of God.  No matter how disparate the circumstances, no matter what is happening, we are called to pray and to love our neighbor, and thus do our duty right now, and thus do the will of God.  Let us open our hearts, and love God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength,*** and our neighbor as ourselves, and thus do God's will.  Amen.  

* Matthew 26:39,42
** Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Leviticus 19:18; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14 
*** Deuteronomy 6:5; Deuteronomy 10:12; Matthew 22:37; Mark 12:30; Luke 10:27 

God Calling Us

When we listen to God, we feel the love of God.  If we accept who God is calling us to be, we feel great joy.  If we become who God has always intended us to be, we become our real selves.  Upon following the will of God, we welcome God into our hearts, and thus welcome love into our hearts.*  Love reigns in hearts which are fully open to God.  

At times God calls us in ways we can hear with the ears of our bodies.  At other points God speaks to us in ways which resonate deep in our souls.  

Yesterday when I was walking up to the church for Mass, the church bells were ringing.  I heard not only the reverberating volume of the sonorous bells vibrating against my eardrums.  I also felt echoing in my soul how I had been previously called to prayer by resonating bells.  

I was reminded of when I was traveling in Europe, right after I had finished serving in the Peace Corps in Morocco.  At one point during those travels in Europe, I found a church by following the sound of the tolling of the church bells.  

Yesterday as I approached the church, I thought too of when I lived at the hermitage in Big Sur.  In that Benedictine monastic community, where I thought I was going to become a monk, the church bell sounds before each Mass and each recitation of the Divine Office, in which Psalms are sung and spoken.  The monks, upon hearing the church bell, proceed to the church for Mass or the Divine Office.  They do their best both to hear the call and to follow it.  

We can be guided by what we hear.  God directs us too through the Holy Spirit speaking to us deep within us.  

God is calling out to us.  As Jesus told us, anyone who has ears should listen.**  When we listen, and submit to God's will, and obediently follow the calling God has ordained for us, we find true joy, for then we find our true selves, and become who God has always meant us to be.  As we live out our vocations, we become who God made us to be.  If we become who God intended us to be, we embrace God, and feel love, for God is love.***  As we feel the love of God, we feel joy.  In finding this joy, we are brought on our way back home to God.  

* Romans 5:5  ** Matthew 11:15; Matthew 13:9; Mark 4:9; Luke 8:8 
*** 1 John 4:8,16 

Waste Not Tears

We are all faced over and over with the decision of whether or not we will love.  We all choose our relationship with pain.  We all decide whether we embrace suffering or reject it.  In what we accept or deny, we determine whether or not we love.  

We can cry out of hopeless desperation, feeling frantic, and convinced that all is lost.  Or we can profoundly weep out of great love for others.  

We can let tears fall from our eyes without realizing their value.  Or we can weep offering our tears as prayers to God.  

All we send out from our being echoes out into the universe.  As a tear falls from your eye, if you offer it as a humble prayer to God, when it drops into the liquid lake of spiritual solidarity we share, you can implicitly offer that tear to help others.  Your tearful prayers are effective when they are offered as the basis of humble and earnest prayer.  When such humble, ardent tears of yours hit the liquid lake of spiritual community we share, these tears send out ripples of love across that surface.  Thus through such tears you can seek to strengthen your spiritual brothers and sisters.  

I am not merely speaking in theoretical terms here.  Ever since earlier this week, when a dear homeless friend who I'll once again here call "Sally" shared with me how she views tears as liquid prayers, her statement of spiritual insight has been echoing in my soul.  Like a drop of water that falls into a pond and causes ripples outward, so her tender spiritual musing, coming into contact with my ears, has been echoing in my soul.  
Despite the struggle, Sally has chosen not to let her agonizing experiences dominate how she responds to life.  As I have mentioned in prior blog posts, Sally has endured domestic violence.  Despite having been hit hard many times by multiple men, Sally refuses to be enslaved by the pain she has felt.  Instead she offers up her tears to God.  Interwoven with her sensitivity and fragility, she also displays a courageous and admirable tenacity, and so she sends out a strong message of faith, hope and love, that pain can be the basis of a beautiful transformation of one's spirit.   

Knowing, then, that we can consent to our suffering being transformed into the joy that emerges out of service of others, we can come to experience a radical alteration of how we feel pain, see pain, and respond to pain.  Aware that God works all for the good of those who love Him,* we come to realize that even anguish can lead to joy, if we seize upon such opportunities to petition God.  Thus in all we experience we can be joyous,** if all we do is for the praise, glory and honor of God.  

Conscious that all we experience presents us chances to glorify God by assenting to call upon Him so He may show us His great love always, we come to give thanks always for all things.***  As we come to express such gratitude at all times, God comes to give us a deep, abiding and enduring peace, as, feeling His love, Jesus comes to abide in us, and we in Him.****  

Let us embrace every opportunity we have, then, including in the midst of our tears, to pray constantly,***** give thanks for all things always, and thus love God and love our neighbor.  Thus we come to live a life of love.  Amen.  

* Romans 8:28 
** 1 Thessalonians 5:16 
*** 1 Thessalonians 5:18 
**** John 15:4-7,9-10
***** 1 Thessalonians 5:17 

Tearful Liquid Prayers

Today I saw a particular homeless woman who again here I'll call "Sally."  Sally and I were talking about praying when we are crying.  

Sally shared with me, "I've heard, and I've thought  it too, that tears are liquid prayers, when we feel like we don't know what else to say to our Creator."  

I responded, "You know, it's really appropriate that you say that today.  At Mass today, one of the Bible verses that was read was about how, when we don't know how to pray, the Spirit in us expresses in groans for us what we feel we don't know how to say."*  

If we feel we don't know how to pray, we can simply offer our emotions up to God.  We can cry to God and offer our tears as loving prayers to God.  With these tears, we can offer wordless prayers to God, to express what we feel we cannot put into words.  

And for what we feel we cannot articulate in words in prayers, the Holy Spirit prays in us, in groans we feel we do not know how to utter ourselves.  Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to us** to help us to pray to our Heavenly Father.  Indeed, our Heavenly Father has sent the Holy Spirit upon us,*** since our Heavenly Father is compassionate about how we express ourselves.  

God knows we do not always have words for Him.  God accepts our wordless prayers when they are offered in humility.  God feels our tears, and hears them as prayers, when they are offered out of love of Him.  

Let us cry to God, then.  Let us offer how we feel to God, crying out to Him to help us understand how much He loves us.  Amen.  

* Romans 8:26 
** John 16:7 
*** John 14:26 

Offering Fervent Prayers

Today I was relieved to see a particular homeless woman who I'll call "Anna" again here.  Anna showed up to our front porch this morning.  We went for a little walk together.  

Anna has been having a rough time.  In the last couple of weeks she has had a series of stressful interactions in which she has not been treated well, which is understating the circumstances.  

I shared with Anna about how I recently heard about some fervent prayer offered up by another Catholic Worker.  This other Catholic Worker told me that she had recently been greatly distressed about hearing of how a homeless friend of hers had been abused.  This other Catholic Worker channeled her grief into her prayer.  As she was praying the rosary, she wept as she thought of her homeless friend being abused.  In the midst of her tears, she seized upon that grief, and it catalyzed her to desperately clutch her rosary and ardently pray for both for her homeless friend as well as for those who had abused her.  

I tried to explain to Anna how I feel that when we feel we are being tested beyond our limits, it is exactly then that we are presented with our greatest opportunities to serve our neighbor.  I maintained that at such moments, we have such excellent chances to pray well because we mean it so much.  It is when we are sorely in need that we pray effectively.  

Anna told me that rather than praying to God, much of the time she just gets angry at God.  I shared with her how some of the saints struggled much with anger.  Although I didn't mention them specifically at the time, I was thinking about Saint Jerome and Saint Paul.  

I also told Anna that when I'm frustrated or tired, often I throw up my hands and tell God that I feel like I'm failing, that I'm not responding as He would like me to react in situations.  I shared with Anna how God is pleased when we talk to Him, even when we're angry.  At least then we're in contact with God.  At the time, I didn't think to mention it to Anna, but also, if we're expressing our anger to God, at least we're being honest with Him.  

Then Anna lamented that she feels that God is delighting in her misfortune.  I replied softly that God is deeply saddened when people mistreat each other.  I pointed out that God has given us our free will to do as we please; unfortunately some persons misuse their freedom by abusing their neighbor instead of loving their neighbor as themselves* as Jesus taught us to do.  I said to Anna that God does not enjoy our being mistreated, since God is love.**    

God is love, and so He loves us.  He wishes that we grow as individuals, and grow closer to Him.  We grow close to Him when we pray to Him.  When we face dire circumstances, let us pray to Him with all our heart, mind, soul and strength, loving Him with all our heart, mind, soul and strength.***  The God who loves us infinitely works all for the good of those who love Him.****  Thus God loves us in the midst of our ordeals, and in such trials we are presented with incredible opportunities to ask Him to work wonders in and through us, if we implore Him with all we have.  Let us turn to God, open our hearts to Him, love Him, and feel His infinite love.  Amen.  

* Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Leviticus 19:18; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14 
** 1 John 4:8,16 
*** Deuteronomy 6:5; Deuteronomy 10:12; Matthew 22:37; Mark 12:30; Luke 10:27 
**** Romans 8:28