This afternoon I arrived back here at the hermitage for my first visit since I stopped living here at the beginning of last summer. Being here again, I am reminded of why I entered formation here on the path to becoming a monk: the silence and solitude so conducive to prayer and meditation; the liturgical schedule which includes communal prayer three times a day, in addition to daily Mass; and the warm, welcoming hospitality of these gracious monks.
Yet I recollect that while I felt that God called me to live at this hermitage for a time so I could learn to deepen my prayer life, I feel that it has been clear to me for quite some time now that God has not given me the grace to be a monk. A while ago I also concluded that I have an inner monk, who I am to nurture consciously, deliberately and mindfully, through the spiritual disciplines of prayer, worship, celebration of God's blessings, silence, solitude, simplicity and service, among other spiritual practices.
God has given me the wisdom to realize that these spiritual disciplines help me to turn my attention toward Him, to focus on Him, and to hear Him and to listen to Him. God gives us what we need to do His will. We might get caught up in craving something that we would like to do to try to serve Him, but while we have our own hopes of how to serve God, in insisting upon them, we might be clinging to ideas which are our own, and are not according to the plan God has in mind for us.
Today at Mass here, in his sermon Father Cyprian recalled how both Saint Francis and Saint Romuald longed to die as martyrs for the sake of the Kingdom of God. Yet, Father Cyprian explained to us, God had not given Saint Francis and Saint Romuald the grace to be martyrs. Father Cyprian went on to note that dying as a martyr is not something we can reach out and grasp; we must be given the grace to die as a martyr. God gives us the grace we need to do His will.
However, Father Cyprian gave us hope as he continued his homily. He instructed us that God calls all of us to be martyrs for love. We are to die to our own desires, so that, having emptied ourselves, God can fill us with His grace so that, filled with His love,* we can serve as the conduits through which God sends His love to our neighbors, so that they may receive what they need.
I was reminded of these truths this morning when I received a message from someone I'll call "Paul." God has blessed both Paul and me with the same certain person in our lives, who I'll call "Lauren." Lauren is homeless and she also suffers from a drug addiction. Paul and I have discussed much how we might be able to help Lauren, who keeps making decisions which threaten her spiritual, psychological and physical health. While we can see Lauren as disappointing us, and based on that dissatisfaction, we could choose to isolate her and shun her, if we were to do so, we would be deciding to allow our emotions to control us. Or we can choose to let our irritation with her not dominate us, but instead die to our natural inclinations, instead letting love rule us.
When we forgive, we die to our selfish instincts to cling to our pain of how we feel we have been hurt. As we forgive, we selflessly love the other person. When we forgive, we also love ourselves, since we free ourselves from the prison in which we had been enclosing ourselves: when we forgive our neighbor, we let go of the pain which had been enslaving us, through the torment we had been deciding to impose on both our neighbor and on ourselves by previously refusing to forgive our neighbor.
When we allow ourselves to be humbled, then God gives us the grace** we need to forgive our neighbor. If we forgive our neighbor, we treat our neighbor as we would like to be treated, since we too would like to be forgiven. When we forgive our neighbor, we love our neighbor as ourselves*** as Jesus taught us to do. When we die to our own pain, we become martyrs for love. Having let go of our pain, God can fill us with His grace, so that, filled with His love, we can give others the love they need. In loving through the free gift of the grace of God,**** we glorify God. In dying to ourselves, and in forgiving our neighbor, and thus loving our neighbor, we become who God has always meant us to be. Amen.
* Romans 5:5
** James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5
*** Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Leviticus 19:18; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14
**** Ephesians 2:8
Yet I recollect that while I felt that God called me to live at this hermitage for a time so I could learn to deepen my prayer life, I feel that it has been clear to me for quite some time now that God has not given me the grace to be a monk. A while ago I also concluded that I have an inner monk, who I am to nurture consciously, deliberately and mindfully, through the spiritual disciplines of prayer, worship, celebration of God's blessings, silence, solitude, simplicity and service, among other spiritual practices.
God has given me the wisdom to realize that these spiritual disciplines help me to turn my attention toward Him, to focus on Him, and to hear Him and to listen to Him. God gives us what we need to do His will. We might get caught up in craving something that we would like to do to try to serve Him, but while we have our own hopes of how to serve God, in insisting upon them, we might be clinging to ideas which are our own, and are not according to the plan God has in mind for us.
Today at Mass here, in his sermon Father Cyprian recalled how both Saint Francis and Saint Romuald longed to die as martyrs for the sake of the Kingdom of God. Yet, Father Cyprian explained to us, God had not given Saint Francis and Saint Romuald the grace to be martyrs. Father Cyprian went on to note that dying as a martyr is not something we can reach out and grasp; we must be given the grace to die as a martyr. God gives us the grace we need to do His will.
However, Father Cyprian gave us hope as he continued his homily. He instructed us that God calls all of us to be martyrs for love. We are to die to our own desires, so that, having emptied ourselves, God can fill us with His grace so that, filled with His love,* we can serve as the conduits through which God sends His love to our neighbors, so that they may receive what they need.
I was reminded of these truths this morning when I received a message from someone I'll call "Paul." God has blessed both Paul and me with the same certain person in our lives, who I'll call "Lauren." Lauren is homeless and she also suffers from a drug addiction. Paul and I have discussed much how we might be able to help Lauren, who keeps making decisions which threaten her spiritual, psychological and physical health. While we can see Lauren as disappointing us, and based on that dissatisfaction, we could choose to isolate her and shun her, if we were to do so, we would be deciding to allow our emotions to control us. Or we can choose to let our irritation with her not dominate us, but instead die to our natural inclinations, instead letting love rule us.
When we forgive, we die to our selfish instincts to cling to our pain of how we feel we have been hurt. As we forgive, we selflessly love the other person. When we forgive, we also love ourselves, since we free ourselves from the prison in which we had been enclosing ourselves: when we forgive our neighbor, we let go of the pain which had been enslaving us, through the torment we had been deciding to impose on both our neighbor and on ourselves by previously refusing to forgive our neighbor.
When we allow ourselves to be humbled, then God gives us the grace** we need to forgive our neighbor. If we forgive our neighbor, we treat our neighbor as we would like to be treated, since we too would like to be forgiven. When we forgive our neighbor, we love our neighbor as ourselves*** as Jesus taught us to do. When we die to our own pain, we become martyrs for love. Having let go of our pain, God can fill us with His grace, so that, filled with His love, we can give others the love they need. In loving through the free gift of the grace of God,**** we glorify God. In dying to ourselves, and in forgiving our neighbor, and thus loving our neighbor, we become who God has always meant us to be. Amen.
* Romans 5:5
** James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5
*** Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Leviticus 19:18; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14
**** Ephesians 2:8
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