Hopefully Move Forward

The last year has been lovely.  God has shed His grace upon me.  Through His grace, He has empowered me to do His will.  I feel that I have done what He sent me here to do.  And so it seems that the time has come to move on from here.  

And so on January 1 I will move back to the hermitage.  I feel God is calling me back there. 

I imagine you are wondering how this conclusion intersects with my previous discernment to leave the hermitage.  

Although I did not explicitly say so, when I left the hermitage to serve poor persons, I was overwhelmingly focused on rejoining the Peace Corps.  I re-applied to the Peace Corps near the end of 2015, and in early 2016, Peace Corps informed me that they could not offer me a position.  

I applied or at least inquired with other organizations serving impoverished people abroad.  Either I didn't hear back at all, or at other times it didn't work out with those other organizations.  
Thus in time I came to realize that one reason I left the hermitage, to serve poor persons overseas, was not materializing.  I let it go, and so the path I thought I was following turned out to be taking me not as far away as I had envisioned.  

Since it started becoming clear I wouldn't be moving to another country again, I began to ponder serving poor folks here in the states.  Having been a Catholic Worker in San Jose before I moved into the hermitage,  I began to think about once again being a Catholic Worker.  

After a brief stint last summer filling in for my friends at Casa de Clara, the San Jose Catholic Worker House, I moved in here at the Redwood City Catholic Worker House.  After not too long, I began to get to know homeless folks here in Redwood City.  I came to witness the sense of community amongst those living on the streets here.  I became much closer with them than I had ever felt with homeless folks anywhere else.  And so I have felt much fulfillment as I have served people living on the streets here.  

And yet I have gradually, steadily, increasingly felt more and more spiritually malnourished despite how I have continued the spiritual practices I deepened at the hermitage.  I read Scripture.  I attend Mass.  Yet I have consistently felt that God has been calling me back into more solitude, more silence, more stillness, more contemplation.  I have felt that God has been calling me back into the deep prayer which monastic life fosters, and then will flow whatever service to poor folks naturally, organically arises out of monastic life.  

I feel too that God has given me the grace to make vows to Him.  I know that I can make vows of poverty, chastity and obedience to Him.  If I were not to do so, I would be wasting graces God has given to me.  If you know me well, you know well that I cannot stand wasting what God has given to us.  God has given us marvelous gifts: we should not only appreciate and use well His gifts, but thank and praise and adore and glorify God who gives us such magnificent gifts.  Out of gratitude to Him, I do not wish to be the servant who buries in the ground a coin or coins he has received from his Master.*  I do not wish to be the servant who wraps up in a cloth the coin He has received from His Master.**  

I used to think that God had not empowered me to make a vow of chastity.  Perhaps I was correct.  What I do know is that at times I have prayed to God for grace, and He has given it to me.  I have recalled how Our Blessed Mother Mary told Saint Catherine of Laboure that so many people do not receive certain graces because they do not ask for them.  I have seen for myself how it is true that you can receive a grace you have not had if you but ask for it.  

And so I will be moving on with a desire to use well what God has given to me.  I wish to invest well the talents God has given me, so that I may make more,*** just as Jesus teaches us to do.  

I look forward to trying to use well the gifts God has given to me.  I face forward into the future, though parting under these circumstances is bittersweet, and not just for me.  

I think of the homeless woman who once again I'll call "Kimberly."  She has shared her pain with me, and so she and I have come to appreciate each other.  Despite her sorrow, she has expressed to me that she wants to understand my reasons for leaving, and the goals I hope to reach, so that she can better support me in my decision to leave here.  

I think too of the homeless woman who again I'll call "Anna."  As she has been considering my moving away, in the context of how she has been well aware that she must repent and do her best to sin no more, she has confidently proclaimed that at the very least, she will see me again in eternity.  

I am greatly consoled by these mature words of faith, hope and love.  I am encouraged by the spiritual growth these words of sureness convey.  I am comforted as I adjust to leaving here, knowing that such faith resides amongst those who are homeless here.  

Thus I know that I am not deluding myself when I say that I have seen homeless persons rising up here.  I can move on since I have seen real growth and progress among them.  

I am reminded that recently a certain homeless woman who I'll once again call "Jane" showed up here at the Catholic Worker House.  She had rung the doorbell, and in speaking with a Catholic Worker here, she expressed gratitude, saying, "Thank you for helping me to rise up."  Jane too has been rising up from where she had been, to a better place, proven by the gratitude she has expressed.  

I have also seen with my own eyes how a certain woman, who I'll call "Helen," has also moved forward in her life.  Helen used to be homeless.  Now she lives in her own apartment, which I have seen.  I need not doubt her progress, which is evident.  

I hear and see all this proof of rising up with my own ears and with my own eyes.  As my time here draws to a close, I am encouraged by what I hear and see.  

And so, as night has fallen today, so too the twilight of my time here as a Catholic Worker is also upon me.  Yet as this night is upon us, I am not in despair, for a new dawn is rising up in homeless friends I have made here.  This dawn I have been seeing break open in them gives me hope, a hope which stretches beyond them, into the wide community of humanity.  This hope extends beyond this lifetime, into the limitless expanse of eternity.  The fruits of this faith, hope and love will be seen in eternity.  In eternity, we will see the consequences of our faith, hope and love.  

Let us move forward in faith, hope and love now, so that we may live in love for all eternity.  Amen.  

* Matthew 25:18,25 
** Luke 19:20 
*** Matthew 25:20,23 

Do Not Doubt

If I say that I am right with God, all I do is prove that I am not right with God.  We are all sinners.  We are all in need of God's mercy.  

Do not doubt; sin we will.  This is not to say that we should abandon our best efforts not to sin; certainly not.  Since God calls us back to Him, God calls us not to sin, for to sin is to choose to turn away from God.  

Despite our best efforts, we will sin.  When we sin, God calls us to repent.  

Do not doubt; God's mercy is greater than our sin.  God is infinite, and so God's mercy is infinite.  The name of God is mercy, as our Holy Father Pope Francis reminds us.  Jesus is love and mercy itself, as He told Saint Faustina.  

Do not doubt; God is love,* and so God is merciful.  If you think that God will not forgive your sin, you forget that God is infinite, and thus that God's love is infinite.  

God's love is greater than anything we think, say or do.  So often what we think, say and do is sinful.  As we come to see how much we sin, we can allow ourselves to be humbled.  If we come to see ourselves as the grains of dust that we are in this vast universe, then we can welcome the humility that can lead us to beg God to forgive our sins.  

God gives grace to the humble.**  By the grace of God, we can come to be who God made us to be, acknowledging that His love and mercy are infinite.  Through the grace of God, we do His will, and take our rightful places in this life, and in the next.  Amen.  

* 1 John 4:8,16 
** 1 Peter 5:5; James 4:6 

Accept The Invitation

Suffering is an invitation to prayer.  When God allows us to suffer, God invites us to pray.  

If we are agonized, we are poised to present our petitions earnestly to God.  In anguish, we pray with deep feeling, and thus effectively, when we beg God to help us.  

O God, come to my assistance.  O Lord, make haste to help me.*  
When we are tormented, we pray fervently to God.  How we pray matters.  

We also show what we most value in what we request from God.  In the midst of excruciating discomfort, we can do more than merely implore God to stop the pain.  We can choose to ask God to give us the grace and the strength to bear the trials we are undergoing.  

In beseeching God to grant us the grace and the strength to endure our tribulations, we are asking God that he let us be vehicles for Him to be glorified.  When we seek from Him the composure we need to bear our suffering, we wish it to be that we weather our storms only by His grace.  Then all glory and honor and praise is due to God, as it always has been, as it is, and as it ever shall be, to God, to ever has been, is, and ever shall be.  Amen.  

* Psalm 40:14; Psalm 70:2 

Be His Will

Today as we celebrate All Saints' Day, when we honor all saints, those both known as well as those unknown, we can be encouraged if we keep in mind how Pope Francis has reminded us that we are all called to be saints.  This might seem like such a lofty calling that it is beyond our grasp.  Perhaps we obscure what we try to see through our own tendency to short-sightedness.  Maybe we fall into the trap of feeling like we can't do something because we rely too much on ourselves.  When we refuse to depend on God, we are telling God that we do not want Him to perform miracles through us.  

God can work miracles through us if we but give our consent.  If we simply submit and give our assent to the Word of God like Our Blessed Mother Mary did, if we merely respond to God that it be done unto us according to His Word,* then we welcome Jesus into our hearts, and show God that we wish that the Holy Spirit dwell in us.  

Until we offer this complete obedience to God, we are cutting ourselves off from how the Holy Spirit can radically transform us.  We can't do much without God, but God can do much through us.  What is impossible for humans is possible for God,** for nothing is impossible for God.***  

If we open our hearts to God, God can work wonders through us.  If we allow ourselves to be humbled, God will give us the grace**** and the strength we need to do His will.  God will exalt those who humble themselves.*****  

In deciding whether or not we would like to be humble, we determine who we will become.  We spend our time well when we ask ourselves who we would like to become.  Having pondered who we wish to become, we then do well to request what we need to evolve into who God has always intended us to be.  

If we pray to God that He give us what we need to do His will, He will give it to us.  Those who ask will receive.  Those who seek will find.  Those who knock will have the door opened to them.******  

God answers the prayers of those who seek to serve Him.  God gives people what they request when they seek to be who He made them to be.  

As I recently suggested to someone, God made us to pray to Him, to praise Him, to adore Him, to glorify Him, and to honor Him.  When we do so with all our heart, with all our mind, with all our soul, and with all our strength,******* and when we love our neighbor as ourselves,******** then we become who God made us to be.  When the will of God is what we will, then we are saints.  When we live the will of God, we become who God has always meant us to be.  Amen.  

* Luke 1:38 
** Matthew 19:26; Mark 10:27; Luke 18:27 
*** Genesis 18:14; Luke 1:37 
**** 1 Peter 5:5; James 4:6 
***** Matthew 23:12; Luke 14:11; Luke 18:14 
****** Matthew 7:7-8 
******* Deuteronomy 6:5; Deuteronomy 10:12; Matthew 22:37; Mark 12:30; Luke 10:27 
******** Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Leviticus 19:18; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14 

Ask And Receive

Just yesterday I read for the first time about how Our Blessed Mother Mary appeared to Saint Catherine Laboure.  Our Blessed Mother Mary told Saint Catherine Laboure that there are graces that are available but people don't receive them because they don't ask for them.  

It makes me think that people could mistakenly conclude that God has not called them to a particular vocation, because they do not have a specific grace they need to live out that vocation.  Yet perhaps God is calling them to that certain vocation, but they feel unable to embrace that vocation only because they have not asked for what they need to follow that vocation.  

God gives us what we ask for,* when we ask for what we need to do His will.  God waits for us to ask for the right thing.  God wants us to exercise our free will.  God loves us so much that he respects our freedom of choice.  Truly loving us, God will not force us.  We see evidence of how God does not coerce us in the gentleness and the tenderness and the humility of the heart of Jesus.**    

God is love.***  Love is patient.****  God patiently waits for us to decide whether we will choose to be who He made us to be.  If we embrace who God has always intended us to be, we become our true selves.  If we accept who God created us to be, we welcome the truth of who we are.  Let us ask God for what we need to do His will, and become who God has always meant us to be.  Amen.  

* Matthew 7:7 
** Matthew 11:29 
*** 1 John 4:8,16 
**** 1 Corinthians 13:4 

Lovingly Welcome Martyrdom

This afternoon I arrived back here at the hermitage for my first visit since I stopped living here at the beginning of last summer.  Being here again, I am reminded of why I entered formation here on the path to becoming a monk: the silence and solitude so conducive to prayer and meditation; the liturgical schedule which includes communal prayer three times a day, in addition to daily Mass; and the warm, welcoming hospitality of these gracious monks.  

Yet I recollect that while I felt that God called me to live at this hermitage for a time so I could learn to deepen my prayer life, I feel that it has been clear to me for quite some time now that God has not given me the grace to be a monk.  A while ago I also concluded that I have an inner monk, who I am to nurture consciously, deliberately and mindfully, through the spiritual disciplines of prayer, worship, celebration of God's blessings, silence, solitude, simplicity and service, among other spiritual practices.  

God has given me the wisdom to realize that these spiritual disciplines help me to turn my attention toward Him, to focus on Him, and to hear Him and to listen to Him.  God gives us what we need to do His will.  We might get caught up in craving something that we would like to do to try to serve Him, but while we have our own hopes of how to serve God, in insisting upon them, we might be clinging to ideas which are our own, and are not according to the plan God has in mind for us.  

Today at Mass here, in his sermon Father Cyprian recalled how both Saint Francis and Saint Romuald longed to die as martyrs for the sake of the Kingdom of God.  Yet, Father Cyprian explained to us, God had not given Saint Francis and Saint Romuald the grace to be martyrs.  Father Cyprian went on to note that dying as a martyr is not something we can reach out and grasp; we must be given the grace to die as a martyr.  God gives us the grace we need to do His will.  

However, Father Cyprian gave us hope as he continued his homily.  He instructed us that God calls all of us to be martyrs for love.  We are to die to our own desires, so that, having emptied ourselves, God can fill us with His grace so that, filled with His love,* we can serve as the conduits through which God sends His love to our neighbors, so that they may receive what they need.  

I was reminded of these truths this morning when I received a message from someone I'll call "Paul."  God has blessed both Paul and me with the same certain person in our lives, who I'll call "Lauren."  Lauren is homeless and she also suffers from a drug addiction.  Paul and I have discussed much how we might be able to help Lauren, who keeps making decisions which threaten her spiritual, psychological and physical health.  While we can see Lauren as disappointing us, and based on that dissatisfaction, we could choose to isolate her and shun her, if we were to do so, we would be deciding to allow our emotions to control us.  Or we can choose to let our irritation with her not dominate us, but instead die to our natural inclinations, instead letting love rule us.  

When we forgive, we die to our selfish instincts to cling to our pain of how we feel we have been hurt.  As we forgive, we selflessly love the other person.  When we forgive, we also love ourselves, since we free ourselves from the prison in which we had been enclosing ourselves: when we forgive our neighbor, we let go of the pain which had been enslaving us, through the torment we had been deciding to impose on both our neighbor and on ourselves by previously refusing to forgive our neighbor.  

When we allow ourselves to be humbled, then God gives us the grace** we need to forgive our neighbor.  If we forgive our neighbor, we treat our neighbor as we would like to be treated, since we too would like to be forgiven.  When we forgive our neighbor, we love our neighbor as ourselves*** as Jesus taught us to do.  When we die to our own pain, we become martyrs for love.  Having let go of our pain, God can fill us with His grace, so that, filled with His love, we can give others the love they need.  In loving through the free gift of the grace of God,**** we glorify God.  In dying to ourselves, and in forgiving our neighbor, and thus loving our neighbor, we become who God has always meant us to be.  Amen.  

* Romans 5:5 
** James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5 
*** Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Leviticus 19:18; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14  
**** Ephesians 2:8 

Seek Her Intercession

October 13, 1917.  The town of Fatima.  Portugal.  The night before, it had rained torrentially; on October 13, the people there and the ground there were thoroughly soaked.  Seventy thousand people gathered in Fatima on October 13, 1917; they had heard that three little children had seen apparitions of a Lady there that year.  The Lady had promised that a miracle would take place when she appeared there on October 13.  

There, in Fatima, exactly one hundred years ago on this date, before 70,000 people, the sun danced back and forth in the sky, defying cosmic laws.  It fell toward the earth.  When the sun returned to its usual location and remained in its place, all the people there were completely dry, even though just a short time earlier, they had been drenched.  The ground too was dry, even though it had just been saturated.  

On October 13, the Lady identified herself as the Lady of the Rosary.  The three little children were Servant of God Lucia, Saint Jacinta and Saint Francisco.  

In her apparitions to them at Fatima, Our Blessed Mother Mary told them to pray the rosary everyday for world peace and for an end to the first world war.  She explained to them that Jesus wished to establish devotion to her Immaculate Heart.  

As we show devotion to the Immaculate Heart of Our Blessed Mother Mary, we welcome Jesus into our hearts, and thus are returning home to Our Heavenly Father.  When we pray seeking the intercession of Our Blessed Mother Mary, we are asking her to assist us in returning home to God.  She supports us in doing as Jesus told us to do because she loves her Son, because she loves God.  

Our Blessed Mother Mary, who is so kind and sweet and loving, who cares for us so tenderly, helps us to welcome Jesus into our hearts.  Just as she told the servants at the wedding feast in Cana, so she tells us about Jesus, "Do whatever He tells you."*  

If we beg Our Blessed Mother Mary to intercede with her Son Jesus for us, we request what we need to be able to do what Jesus commands us to do.  When we ask Our Blessed Mother Mary to intercede with her Son Jesus for us, we ask her to beseech Him that we may have all we need to do God's will.  Through her Spouse, The Holy Spirit, we are empowered to do the will of God.  Through her assistance, we are given the grace we need to do the will of Our Heavenly Father.  

Let us pour out our hearts to Our Blessed Mother Mary.  Let us implore her to come to our aid.  She loves us so tenderly and sweetly--indeed her will is love, since her will is the will of God, and we know that God is love**--that she will surely love us with great love.  

Knowing that Our Blessed Mother Mary loves us so much, we come to realize that we are tremendously aided in coming home to God, who is love, when we seek her intercession.  If we wish to return home to God, we have a powerful intercessor in Our Blessed Mother Mary to help us draw back to God.  Let us entrust ourselves to the loving care of Our Blessed Mother Mary, consecrate ourselves to her, and, greatly supported by her, thus return home to God.  Amen.  

* John 2:5 
** 1 John 4:8,16 

Forgive Through Humility

Earlier this week I saw a particular homeless woman who again I'll call "Anna."  Over the last month, Anna has felt called to change.  

Anna told me that she knows that she has to make amends with a lot of people.  She also said that she has to turn away from sin.

She shared with me that she is aware that God is merciful.  She added that although we don't deserve God's grace, He gives it to us anyway because He is such a gentleman.  

Anna has taken important steps toward the recovery of her true self.  She has realized that regardless of poor choices she has made, she can ask God to forgive her, and that God will forgive her.  

God forgives us our sins as we repent.  A humble, contrite heart, O God, You will not spurn.*  

Forgiven by God, we are shown the love we are to show to others.  Forgiven by God, we see how we are to forgive others.  

If we forgive others, God our Heavenly Father will forgive us, as Jesus taught us.**  Choosing to love, we return home to God, who is love.***  

* Psalm 51:17 
** Sirach 28:2; Matthew 6:15; Mark 11:25 
*** 1 John 4:8,16 

Always Joyfully Thanking

Today in front of the Catholic Worker House arrived a homeless woman who here I'll call "Janice."  She was moving slowly.  She noted how her hair was so knotted that she couldn't run her fingers through it.  Janice was wearing dirty clothes.  

Janice told my fellow Catholic Worker Susan and me of how she has been mistreated.  She has been beaten; she has been falsely accused of speaking with profanity; at times she has returned to the cart she uses only to find some of her items missing.  

Janice began crying as she spoke to me, under the stress she feels over her plight.  Yet she was quick to add that she knows that God loves her.  Aware that God loves her, steadfastly affirming and proclaiming this truth even in the face of being abused, she is set to give thanks to God always for all things.*  When we keep in mind that God loves us, we are joyful always,** no matter what happens.     

If we realize that God's love is infinite and thus is immeasurably more immense than how we love, we begin to see reality.  If we accurately perceive who we are, that we are nothing without the help of God, and who God is, that He always has been, is and ever shall be, we are humbled.  If we allow ourselves to be humbled, we open our hearts to the grace of God, for God gives grace to the humble.***  

By the grace of God, we become empowered to weather whatever storm befalls us.  Aware that God loves us and works all to our good if we love Him,**** we rejoice that God is always seeking our good.  

As we realize that God wishes the best for us since God is love,***** we can come to give thanks to God for all things.  As we become more conscious of the vastness of God's love, we become more joyful, becoming joyful always.  

With the love of God, being grateful and joyful always, we view all that happens in a new light.  We come to view occasions of suffering not as misfortune, but as opportunities to draw closer to God if we capitalize on such gifts as chances to more deeply thank God.  

So often we angrily discard such invitations from God to enter into deeper, more profound communion with Him.  Yet today I was instructed in this challenging endeavor by Janice, who is homeless.  Jesus told us that we find Him in those who are the least among us.******  Jesus comes to us in those who are poor and downtrodden.  He still comes to us, trying to keep instructing us.  

Often we find Jesus' teachings too much to bear.  If we try alone to carry the load of what He asks of us, we will find it to be too heavy.  For humans some things are impossible, but nothing is impossible for God.*******  With the help of Jesus, the yoke becomes easy and the burden light.********  If we turn to Jesus, and remain in Him,********* through His presence we will be thankful for all things and will be always joyful.  

If we pay attention to the poor person in front of us, we are paying heed to Jesus.  We can find Jesus right in front of us, instructing us.  We have opportunities to learn about suffering from the homeless person before us.  From her we can learn how to give thanks to God when we encounter hardships and to be joyful in the midst of adversity.  

From a homeless woman who has let herself be humbled, we can learn valuable lessons on how to become much more than we have been: those who become humble receive the grace of God, and with this transformative power they endure formidable storms, glorifying God through the strength they receive from Him.  Thus it is to the glory of God that those who humble themselves are raised up.**********  

Let us open our eyes to those before us, open our hearts to our neighbor, and thus open our hearts to the love of God.  As we open our hearts to love, joy abounds in our souls.  Amen.  

* 1 Thessalonians 5:18 
** 1 Thessalonians 5:16 
*** 1 Peter 5:5; James 4:6 
**** Romans 8:28 
***** 1 John 4:8,16
****** Matthew 25:40,45
******* Matthew 19:26; Luke 1:37
******** Matthew 11:30 
********* John 15:4,6,7,9,10
********** Matthew 23:12; Luke 14:11; Luke 18:14

Truly Loving Life

If we sow love, we reap joy.  Our friends bring us joy as they love us.  We bring each other joy as we let God love others through us.  

When we reach the final stretch of our lives, we can look back on our lives either sorrowful or rejoicing.  Thus we do well to imagine, much like Saint Ignatius of Loyola suggests, being near the end of our life and looking back on the choices we are making today.  We can envision on how we will feel in the last days of our lives about the decisions we are making today.  

Similarly, we can find consolation at the end of a friend’s life if we consider what kind of life our friend has lived.  At the end of our friend’s life, we can look back on his life and feel joy at the love he has chosen to be manifested in his life.  In focusing on the love we have received from our friend, we can feel gratitude for the gifts God has given us through our friend.  Thus as a friend’s life draws to an end, we can celebrate, out of deep gratitude and appreciation for the numerous gifts God has given us through our friend who is about to move onward.  

We can realize that death is an opportunity to be transformed.  Certainly we mourn the passing of our friends.  Yet as we weep, we implicitly admit we have received the gift of love from God through our neighbor.  

Thus in the midst of pain and suffering, we are presented with opportunities to thank God for the love we have felt.  Even amidst anguish and torment, we are given chances to be grateful to God.  

Certainly we are deeply disturbed when those who witness to the truth suffer.  Yet in their witness to the truth, in how they have lived their lives, they have encouraged us, and have helped us to feel the joy which comes from loving and from welcoming the truth into our hearts.  

And so on this particular date on the liturgical calendar in the Catholic Church we feel distressed as well as encouraged.  Today in the Catholic Church we especially recall the death of Saint John the Baptist.  Saint John the Baptist had lived a life of witnessing to the truth.  He had heralded the coming of Jesus,* who is The Truth.**  Saint John the Baptist had encouraged people to reform their lives,*** and so welcome The Truth, The Word that Jesus was speaking and living.  Saint John the Baptist was also not afraid to proclaim the truth to those in power.  He had told King Herod that it was wrong for him to be with Herodias, who was his brother’s wife.  Since Herodias did not want to hear that moral truth, she told her daughter Salome to ask King Herod for the head of Saint John the Baptist on a plate, which Salome requested.  Saint John the Baptist was beheaded for witnessing to the truth.****    

I am disturbed when I go back and read of how Saint John the Baptist was decapitated for proclaiming the truth to a leader.  Yet death need not be reason only for sadness.  When someone dies for declaring the truth, such a person has lit a candle of truth.  When a person dies, the statement of the truth of the person’s life has been made.  Life may have departed from that body, but the statement of truth which that person has made, and the expression of love which that person has lived, cannot be extinguished.  The truth and the love that person has shown lives on in our hearts.  

And so, in the face of impending death, we are led to consider a profound question: what kind of a life has someone lived?  As this life ends, we are faced with the question of how the gift of life from God has been used by the person who is going to meet God who gave the person that life.    

In considering the type of life that Saint John the Baptist lived, we see that he witnessed to the truth.  He fiercely loved the truth.  He loved the truth more than his own life.  He was not afraid to proclaim the truth, and he was thrown in prison for doing so,***** and then murdered for doing so.  He kept witnessing to the truth all the way to the end of his life, and witnessed to the truth even at the cost of his own life.  

Although probably we will not be imprisoned or executed for stating the truth, nevertheless we are presented with opportunities to speak the truth tenaciously and to love fiercely, not capitulating to temptations to despair.  I have been blessed with a marvelous model who has demonstrated loyalty to the truth and to the love inherent in the truth.  I have written before of my older friend who I address as “Uncle.”  Through his words and actions, he has stayed on the course God has laid out before him, witnessing to the truth of who and what God has called him to be.  I have written before of how Uncle had a stroke nearly a year ago.  For almost a year, Uncle has been unable to move as he used to move, and has not been able to speak.  Yet he has patiently stayed the course laid out before him.  He has continued to demonstrate the truth of how God calls us to face the challenges which unfold in our lives.  Uncle has bravely endured the suffering he has felt, doing as God calls him to do until death.  

He has kept showing his family how to encounter challenges they face.  I think of someone I know who has suffered multiple major setbacks over the course of the year which has just passed.  If Uncle could speak, perhaps he would say to this other courageous soul, “I am right here with you, suffering along with you.  You and I are sharing pain together.”  Uncle has been encouraging others around him.  He has been demonstrating to them how to persist in the face of adversity.  To the end, Uncle is embracing the task of teaching his family and friends how to welcome the duty of this present moment, as Jean-Pierre de Caussade described.  All the way to the end, Uncle is showing those he loves how to love, by embracing the duty set before him.  

If our nearly departed friend has lived loving God and his neighbor, at the end of our friend’s life, we can rejoice with our friend, grateful for the love God has shown us through our friend.  Looking back on choices well made, through which a person has witnessed to the truth that we are called to love God and our neighbor in every little choice we make in every moment, then we feel the joy that loving others brings to us and to others.  

When we welcome this duty which God sets before us, we welcome God into our hearts.  As we welcome God into our hearts, we welcome love into our hearts.  Opening our hearts to God, God fills us with the love we need to do His will.******  Filled with the love of God, we are enabled through His grace to carry out His will.  Overflowing with the love of God, we can witness to the truth, no matter what the cost.  Empowered with His grace, we can endure whatever hardships we encounter.  With the love of God, we can suffer through our own torment so as to help others weather their own storms.  Through the love of God, we can love as God has loved us.  Amen.  

* Matthew 3:11; Mark 1:7; Luke 3:16; John 1:26-27

** John 14:6 

*** Matthew 3:1-2,8; Mark 1:4; Luke 3:3,8 

**** Matthew 14:3-10; Mark 6:17-28; Luke 3:19

***** Matthew 14:3; Mark 6:17; Luke 3:19-20 
****** Romans 5:5 

Loving Poor Treasures

When we love, we choose to be humbled.  As we give of ourselves, we let ourselves be humbled, since we are choosing someone else over ourselves.  When we allow ourselves to be humbled, God gives us the grace to love our neighbor, including those among us who are marginalized.  By the grace of God, we can come to see how persons living on the fringes of society are more like us than we had thought, and thus come to love and cherish them.  Thus, since we come to see we are more like others than we had thought, we necessarily give up our conceptions of ourselves so that we can become who God has always intended us to be.  We let go of our images of ourselves so we can see God made us in His own image.  We relinquish our false ideas of ourselves so we can love.  As we empty ourselves of our untrue conceptions of ourselves, God can fill us up with the love* we have seen our brothers and sisters demonstrate for us over the centuries.  

Sometimes we might think this love is out of our reach.  Yet God gives us opportunities to open our hearts and choose this love.  

We can think that saints have nothing to do with us.  We can decide that we are far removed from them.  In addition to saints inspiring us through their outstanding examples, they point out to us to consider what we value, and to act accordingly.  Thus, although at first they might seem distant and unreachable, by pondering their choices, we can come to realize they are closer to us than we had thought, since like they have done, we too must decide everyday who and what are important to us.  Through our choices, we can embrace the types of people the saints treasured.  In how we opt to act, we can show we wish to love others like the saints have done, and thus be close with the saints, honoring their memory.  

Today we remember Saint Lawrence as we celebrate his feast day on this particular date.  He was a deacon in the city of Rome in the third century.  He was charged with giving aid to those in need.  Saint Lawrence loved impoverished people so much that he gave all of the money in his care to poor persons.  He even sold expensive items to be able to give more to those who were indigent.   

Since Saint Lawrence was one of those in charge of funds for the church, Roman officials ordered him to bring them the treasure of the church.  As the priest explained during his sermon today at Mass, in reply to this demand, Saint Lawrence said it would take him a few days to gather this treasure.  Then he brought disabled, blind, ill and needy individuals to the Roman officials.  Saint Lawrence maintained that these outcasts were the treasure of the church.  

In response, the Roman authorities killed Saint Lawrence.  He died while he was tied to a grill set above a fire so that he was roasted alive.  Although Saint Lawrence suffered much as he died, God gave him grace.  He had been so strengthened by God that he made light of his plight.  At one point he told those torturing him to turn him over because he was done on the side that had been cooking.  

Saint Lawrence received grace from God.  Saint Lawrence had humbled himself by cherishing those who were impoverished.  Those who are humble receive grace from God.**  

Those of humble heart are close to those who are least among us.  Jesus told us that whatever we do to those who are least among us, we do to Him.***  People who are humble welcome Jesus into their hearts.  Jesus stands at the doors of our hearts and knocks.  If we open to Him, He can come into our hearts and dine with us.****  The poor stand at our doors and knock.  Jesus, in the poor, stands at our doors and knocks.  If we let the poor in when they knock, they can come in and dine with us.  If we let them into our homes, we let Jesus into our hearts.  

Last week a young couple, interested in volunteering here at the Catholic Worker House, came here to the house, and, over coffee, said that they have let homeless persons sleep in their home.  This man and this woman have opened their hearts to those who have no place to rest their heads.  They have welcomed impoverished individuals into their home, and thus have embraced Jesus.  They have clearly demonstrated that they consider those who are poor as treasures to delicately and gently treat.  

Jesus told us, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be."*****  Seeing who and what we value, there our hearts reside, in community with them.  As we demonstrate to others that we appreciate them, we welcome them into our hearts.  We can embrace those who are poor and treat them with dignity, helping them to see that they are treasures to be valued, rather than treating them as if they are trash to be discarded.  We can choose to show warmth and tenderness to those who are often cast aside, and thus truly love them.  

If we truly love, we will allow ourselves to be humbled.  As we consent to being humbled, God will give us the grace we need to love our neighbor.  At times in our lives, we might misperceive our neighbor and mistakenly believe she is nothing like us.  Through the grace of God, we can come to have much compassion for our neighbor, once we recognize that our neighbor is much more like us than we had thought.  Seeing our neighbor is more like us than we had thought, we come to love our neighbor as ourselves.******  As we open our hearts to love, we open our hearts to God.  As we seek to always do the will of God by always loving our neighbor, we come to love God with all our heart, mind, soul and strength.*******  Amen.  

* Romans 5:5 
** 1 Peter 5:5; James 4:6 
*** Matthew 25:40 
**** Revelation 3:20 
***** Matthew 6:21; Luke 12:34 
****** Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Leviticus 19:18; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14 
******* Deuteronomy 6:5; Deuteronomy 10:12; Matthew 22:37; Mark 12:30; Luke 10:27 

God Is Mercy

Today while I was out and about here in Redwood City, I crossed paths with a certain Hispanic homeless man I'd previously met.  His real name is Jesus.  

As I stood there speaking with him, all of a sudden he started talking about God's promises to us.  He was telling me how he feels that God makes amazing promises to us, and then fulfills them.  

Later in the day, I thought back to how he had said that God remarkably carries out his great promises to us.  As I mused upon these words about God's promises spoken to me by the man named Jesus I had met, I thought of how Jesus Christ explained to us that while some things are impossible for humans, nothing is impossible for God.*  

I have thought that I can forgive my neighbor only because God has given me the grace to do so.  Without the aid of God, I would not be able to forgive my neighbor.  God has mercy on me and gives me the grace to forgive my neighbor.  

And so, thinking of God's great mercy while I stood there speaking with this man named Jesus today, I said to him something like, "We try to do good, but we end up sinning.  But after we die, when we get before God, we can beg God for his mercy.  Since God is love,** God will be merciful and forgive us."  

Jesus looked at me and said, "Yes!  He has to!  It's who He is!"  

God will forgive us our sins, because to forgive is to love, and God is love.  God will be true to His promise, for while we are unfaithful to Him, God cannot be unfaithful to us.  Jesus Christ told us that He is The Way, The Truth and The Life.***  God is Truth, and God is love.  God tells us that He is love, and since He is Truth, He will be true to His Word, and love us: out of His great mercy, He will forgive us if we beg Him for the grace to forgive our neighbor.  

* Genesis 18:14; Jeremiah 32:17,27; Matthew 19:26; Mark 10:27; Luke 1:37; Luke 18:27
** 1 John 4:8,16 
***  John 14:6 

Trust Yields Grace

When we fear, we are not trusting in God.  When we arrogantly assume we can get along without God, we are deciding that we will not trust in God.  

When we have faith in God, we are trusting in God.  When we admit we need God's help, then we can start to trust in God.  

When we truly, fully trust in God, we find our faith is well-placed.  God will not scorn a humble, contrite heart.*  God gives grace to the humble.**  

* Psalm 51:17  

** 1 Peter 5:5; James 4:6 

Proclaiming Our Dependence

Today is a day when people especially think of, give thanks for, and celebrate their independence.  Here in the United States on this particular day, we celebrate the independence of our nation.  We commemorate how we declared our independence from the British.  

It is often said, and quite rightly, that we must remain vigilant to preserve our democracy and the freedom that comes with it.  Some people especially crave power, and oppress others in order to keep it.  When people abuse power by using it to mistreat others, we witness a misuse of freedom.  

When we make choices which cause us to become enslaved to anything, we misuse our freedom.  Unfortunately we can decide to use our freedom to become slaves to many things.  We become slaves to possessions, to money, to power and to prestige.  We can even become slaves to food and drink if we do not remain in right relation to it.  If we become gluttons with food and drink, we have become slaves to our own desires for excessive amounts of food and drink.  When we allow our desires to rule us, we have lost our freedom.  

If we become addicts, we have become enslaved to our desires.  If we have become addicted to drugs or gambling or sex or anything else, we are no longer free.  As addicts, our desires rule us.  

I am not only speaking about others.  I am speaking about myself and about others.  I am addicted to sugar.  I do not lightly say that I am an addict.  If I go too long without sugar, my perceptions become severely skewed.  My outlook on life becomes dismal.  

Such is the state of an addict.  For one who is addicted, being deprived is being tortured.  

Some would respond to such circumstances by demanding how God could let people devolve into such a state.  They ask how and why God could let this happen to people.  

God does not wish anyone to stray from him.  Yet God gives us our free will.  Sometimes people make decisions which harm themselves.  Yet even in the midst of such debilitating situations in which there seems to be no hope, we can use our freedom for our own good.  When we feel trapped, we can use our freedom to declare our independence from what enslaves us, by confidently proclaiming that we will steadfastly rely on God.  If we utilize our freedom to proclaim our dependence on God, God will free us from being held in chains.  

Thus in such situations of suffering, there is a profound opportunity, if we choose to open our hearts to it.  When we are faced with challenges which we cannot overcome on our own, we are to pray to God to deliver us from evil.*  If we tell God, with all our heart, mind, soul and strength, that on our own we cannot surmount the obstacles we encounter, then God will come to our aid.  When we let go of our egos, then we make the room for God to work in our souls, then we welcome God into our hearts.  Once we admit that we must have God's help, then we can begin to love Him with all our heart, with all our mind, with all our soul, and with all our strength.** 

When we pray in such a way, we pray with true humility.  If you truly pray, you have humility.  To the humble, God gives grace.***  With the help of God's grace, we can conquer what for us alone would be impossible.  As Jesus reminded us, everything is possible for God.****    

And so, with all credit for our success going to God, God truly is glorified.  When we admit that all glory, praise and honor is due to God, then God delivers us from evil and brings us into true life.  Amen.  

* Matthew 6:13 
** Deuteronomy 6:5; Deuteronomy 10:12; Matthew 22:37; Mark 12:30; Luke 10:27 
*** 1 Peter 5:5; James 4:6 
**** Matthew 19:26; Luke 18:27 

Emptying Ourselves Completely

Today is the feast day of Saint Romuald.  Today in the Catholic Church we commemorate the life of this saint who lived in the tenth and the eleventh centuries and who reformed Benedictine monasteries.  In time, his reforms were seen to have formed a new religious congregation of monks who came to be known as Camaldolese, named after their head monastery called Camaldoli, which is in Italy.  

After spending a year and a half living at New Camaldoli Hermitage on the Big Sur coast of California, I grew quite fond of the monks there, as well as the folks who work there too.  While I lived there, I came to realize better how and why we can be nourished deeply in the recesses of our souls by the spiritual disciplines of solitude, silence, prayer and meditation.  There in a dwelling space called a monastic cell, a monk lives as a solitary, assisted by these monastic spiritual practices as he strives to respond to God's call.  These spiritual disciplines position us so that, in opening our hearts to God, we consent to God loving our neighbor through us.  

I was significantly guided in my pursuit of these spiritual practices by the Rule of Saint Romuald.  He wrote it as a brief directive for men who came to monasteries to commune with God.  In his little rule, Saint Romuald counsels 

Sit in your cell as in Paradise.  Put the whole world behind you and forget it.  Watch your thoughts like a good fisherman watching for fish.  The path you must follow is in the Psalms--never leave it.  

If you have just come to the monastery, and in spite of your good will you cannot accomplish what you want, take every opportunity you can to sing the Psalms in your heart and to understand them with your mind.  

And if your mind wanders as you read, do not give up; hurry back and apply your mind to the words once more.  

Realize above all that you are in God's presence, and stand there with the attitude of one who stands before the emperor.  

Empty yourself completely and sit waiting, content with the grace of God, like the chick who tastes nothing and eats nothing but what his mother brings him.  

The Rule of Saint Romuald resonates with how I have sought to orient my life over the last half dozen years.  I do my best to take time to retreat and forget about the world for a time so as to be recollected in my soul.  I have also aimed to forget the false notions the world gives me.  I have been aspiring to forget the false self that the world has tried to convince me I am, as the Trappist monk Thomas Merton describes.  We can choose to reject the empty promises the world makes, vainly suggesting that we always need to be buying and possessing certain items in order to remain relevant in today's ever-changing material world.  Rather than consume our energies on fruitless pursuits, we can direct our focus elsewhere.  In still silent solitude, we are better positioned to listen to God so we can ever more discover our true selves.  

This rule directs us to take every opportunity we can to sing the Psalms in our hearts.  Insofar as we are to pray always,* again the Rule confirms my inclinations.  So often I find myself mindlessly wasting precious time on trivial concerns which ultimately do not matter.  Rather than burn up our energy on matters which are truly unimportant, instead we can strive to orient our hearts toward God in every instant.  

In his rule, Saint Romuald advises us not to feel discouraged when our minds wander from words of wisdom, which they certainly will.  Rather, we are once again to apply ourselves to The Word in front of us.  So often I find my mind straying off course.  Thus I so appreciate Saint Romuald's gentle encouragement, as a reminder to remain on course.  We should not feel downtrodden when we fall, since most certainly we shall fall; we must remain resolute and we must once again rise once we have fallen.  

Saint Romuald reminds us that we are in God's presence.  Jesus is with us always.**  We are to stand before God like a person standing before an emperor.  Seeing ourselves for what we truly are, nothing without the help of God, we are humbled.  Having been humbled, we are well-situated for God to work through the Holy Spirit in us.  

Realizing that we are nothing without the aid of God, we can empty ourselves.  Knowing that we can do nothing without God, we can wait for God to transform us.  Upon being humbled, we can receive the grace and strength from God we need, for God gives grace to the humble.***  

Seeing our true place, and humbled by the reality that we can do nothing without God, we can then open our hearts to God.  If we are silent and wait patiently upon God, we can be nourished by the presence of Jesus.  Our Lord Jesus empowers us to do the will of our Heavenly Father.  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.****

By the grace of God, we can come to do what by human standards seems impossible.  For humans, to love like God loves is impossible.  For God, nothing is impossible.*****  

Through the grace of God, we become able to give to everyone who asks,****** as Jesus instructs us to do in today's Gospel reading.  Having sought the tender, warm, loving touch of Jesus in silence, stillness and solitude, we become empowered through the gentle strength of His presence to convey His love to others.  By opening our hearts to God, we welcome God into our hearts, so that Jesus abides in us,******* and loves others through us.  Opening our hearts to God, we allow God to love others through us.********  We can thus let the love of God be shown through us.  Let us let God love others through us.  Amen.  

* 1 Thessalonians 5:17 
** Matthew 28:20 
*** 1 Peter 5:5; James 4:6 
**** Philippians 4:13 
***** Matthew 19:26; Luke 1:37 
****** Matthew 5:42 
******* John 15:9 
******** Romans 5:5