On Loving Ourselves

This morning when I returned from Mass, I was pleased to find a particular homeless woman who I'll call "Sally" sitting on the steps of our front porch here at the Catholic Worker House.  Sally is a rather sensitive woman, which is why I think I have so enjoyed speaking with her over the months I've known her here in Redwood City.  

However, this morning she seemed different.  In the instant when I first beheld her sitting on the steps of our porch, I sensed that a change had come over her.  

Seeing that she had been transformed, I slowed in my tracks.  Realizing that a change had transpired in her, I came to a halt, out of respect for the wonder presented to me.  

She noticed the alteration of my approach toward her.  She acknowledged the shift in my behavior, noting, "You seem cautious."  

In that moment, I was mystified why she was saying so.  Nor could I fully appreciate why I had been stopped in my tracks.  

While she continued to sit on the steps of the porch, and as I kept standing there, we talked.  We spoke of whatever came to mind, including what she had found on the porch, the repairs she had made to her bicycle last night, and the colorful clothing she was wearing.  

As we conversed with each other, I kept noticing how joyous I felt.  When we were saying goodbye, I told her that it was wonderful to see her.  

After we had parted ways, I realized one reason why I had felt so nourished when speaking with her.  In the past, she had appeared so fragile, and her voice had wavered; often she had seemed as if she was about to cry.  Today she showed composure and calm, apparently at ease.  

I cannot help but suspect that her demeanor was different because she had come to value her own worth.  This is the woman I have mentioned in a prior blog post who had been suffering domestic violence at the hands of her previous boyfriend.  A few weeks ago, in referring to his having left town, she expressed satisfaction at his having moved away, saying that he and she "needed to be done with each other."  

Rather than attempting to reunite once again with him, as she had done time and again over months, she let go of him.  She released her grip on the image of herself she had had.  She decided she was worthy of respect.  She had begun to respect herself.  She started to love herself.  

Today I felt such joy at witnessing the confidence she felt as she respected herself.  My being rejoiced as I saw the love she showed herself.  

In loving herself, she showed love to me.  She demonstrated to me she was loving herself.  She reassured me that I need not worry about her, since she is taking care of herself.  In loving herself, she loves me.  In loving ourselves, we love our neighbor.  When we love ourselves, we can do as Jesus has taught us.  

Love your neighbor as you love yourself.*  Love yourself, and love your neighbor. 

* Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Leviticus 19:18; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14